Ten Years

Cancer. A word that floods most of us with emotions, almost all of them negative; sadness, loss, anger, fear, anguish. We travel through life dreading the word, hoping to never hear it and a loved ones name in the same sentence. But paired with one simple word, it means something completely amazing... "free". Cancer Free.

October 5th marks the ten year cancer free day for my sister in law Paula. I could not be more thrilled to celebrate this milestone for her. Sometimes, actually most of the time, I forget that she had breast cancer. But I know that she never does. I know that always, even in the most joyous of times, she has stored away in the corner of her mind the battle that she fought to get to that very moment. She is the rare person that brings light into a room, she has an oddly calming effect on the high strung people around her. I swear I honestly do not think I have ever heard her raise her voice, even while corralling very active twin boys. Paula has always listened, really listened, anytime she happened to be around while I was griping about something. I appreciate her advice and value her opinions.

Instead of all the other words that are associated with cancer, these are the words I think of when I celebrate this day in Paula's honor. Joy because she is here to tuck her babies in at night. Awe of her strength and determination. Admiration of her patience and serenity. Happiness that she is here to share a beautiful life with my brother. Pride in the Warrior that she is. Gratitude for Survivors like Paula and my Mom. Reverence for Strong women that have walked across the battlefield and emerged on the other side, not unscathed, but with knowledge of themselves and the strength they have within, beautiful scars and all. 

I am glad that you are who you are, Paula, because you are an incredible human being. Happy Ten Years! 

xoxo

"Okay Google" Define: Parent

par·ent

ˈ/perənt/

noun

1. 1.

   a father or mother.

   "the parents of the bride"

   synonyms:

   mother, father, birth/biological parent, progenitor; More

verb

1. 1.

   be or act as a mother or father to (someone).

   "the warmth and attention that are the hallmarks of good parenting"

   synonyms:

   raise, bring up, look after, take care of, rear; hand-rear "those who parent young children"

I haven't blogged in a long, long time. I supposed I just get busy doing things and time gets away from me. But sometimes I get a thought that runs through my mind over and over and I just can't shake it. Writing about it helps with that though, so here it goes...

Parent. Mother. Step Mother. Daughter. Grandmother. All of those words are deeply meaning full to me. All around me, I see people that I love and care for also fulfilling the role of Parent. But also around me I see people toss the opportunity away, sometimes flippantly, sometimes with unimaginable pain. Of course, none of it is none of my business, but it makes me thoughtful.

When I wasn't even legal drinking age, I was introduced to parenting. And it was hard. Harder that I ever thought it would be, and made even harder by the fact that this tiny person in my care wasn't biologically mine. I had no rights, no say. I also had no say in the fact that I came to love her like my own, and she is as special to me as any person in my life.  Somehow we figured it out as we went along, and I came to experience a relationship that was profound, rewarding, frustrating, heartbreaking and joyous. 

Then at 26, I gave birth to a tiny human that I did have all rights and say so for. And when I think too long about that, I am just as terrified by that today as I was that day. What if I make the wrong choices for her? What if I don't have the answer when she comes to me with an important question? Or worse, what if I give her the wrong answer? 

I have been very fortunate to have a partner in the Parent Game. For the most part we've been on the same page. Even when we haven't been, I know that we both want the very best for our girls in the end. They are both kind, smart, compassionate, loving people. I mean, in the end, isn't that what being a parent is about? Raising children to be productive members of society? 

I think parenting is more about guiding and helping children find themselves. Help them find what makes them happiest. Support them in their choices, whether you think it wise or not. Sometimes it means standing by and watching them pick themselves up from a fall and dust themselves off, even thought the only thing in the world you want is to pick them up and kiss all the hurt away. Being a parent means learning some hurts just can't be fixed with a Hello Kitty bandaid. That lesson has a lasting sting for both Parent and Child. Then you cross your fingers, shove them from the nest and pray they figure out how to flap their wings.

It's a cycle. Sometimes I forget the Daughter part. That my Mother has felt and feels all that same things I do. I get so busy being a Parent, I push the Daughter part to the back burner. I'm going to work on that. 

I can't imagine why a Parent would not want to be involved in every aspect of their child's life. It amazes me that they can just come and go from their child's life with absolutely no regard to the impact. For Pete's Sake, I worry about the impact of the smallest parenting decision's I've made! I feel pity for those Parents, because they are missing out on the most amazing experience life has to offer.

My Name is Julie. I am a Parent. I am a Mother. I am a Step Mother. I am a Daughter. I am Nanners.

And I still have no idea what I am doing. But I can guarantee you that I am going to keep trying my damnedest to figure it out.