On Marriage and The Deal

Today is my parents' 42nd wedding anniversary.  For their anniversary, they went together to Georgetown for Dad's radiation treatment.  Whoa, back it down there, Mr. and Mrs. Fancy Pants!  You're making the regular cards and flowers crowd look bad. :)   But seriously, folks.  I don't really think that it matters that much to them if they get to go out to a fancy dinner. They are together and I think that is truly enough for them.

It makes me reflect on my own marriage.  I think that Jeff and I have a good marriage.  We laugh a lot.  But it takes work.  Lord, almighty, its hard work.  I am certainly not trying to hand out marriage advice here.  What works for some couldn't possibly work for others. 

In our house, nighttime brings a battle.  It is all based on The Deal.  The Deal was struck many years ago.  The Deal is mutually beneficial.  Or it is supposed to be, anyway.  The Deal is this:  I get complete control of the remote control and Jeff gets his back rubbed until he falls asleep.  For many years The Deal has worked beautifully.  Occasionally, though, one or the other of us doesn't feel like keeping up their end of The Deal.  Battle lines are drawn.  Leg locks are issued.  Armpit hair is pulled.  Wedgies are given.  Giggling ensues.  Then, eventually The Deal is upheld.  I watch the Daily Show and Jeff drifts off to lala land.

I'm not gonna lie, though.  Sometimes I'd like to be the one getting the back rub.  I can always catch Jon Stewart online the next day.  But it is all about compromise, everything is negotiable, right?  Well, everything except The Deal.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Sunday Funday

Ahhhhhhh, Sunday.  The day of rest and relaxation.  Today I spent most of the day with my Dad while my Mom ran a bunch of errands.  It was a nice, relaxing time.  We watched football together.  He sat in his recliner and I took over Mom's.  After a while, I asked him if he was cold.  And then a few minutes later he asked me if I was cold.  We both said that we weren't cold, but ended up under blankets anyway.  We talked about a couple things, and laughed about a couple more.  He was in a great mood, a little tired, but really feeling pretty good.  Once Mom got home, I made them some fettuccine alfredo for dinner.  On my way home, Mom called and said that Dad asked for seconds.

It was a nice Sunday, indeed.

Now if the Steelers pull out a win, it'll be damn near perfect :)

Veteran's Day

It is the Soldier

Father Dennis Edward O'Brien
 

It is the Soldier,
not the reporter, who has given us freedom of press.

It is the Soldier,
not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier,
not the campus organizer, who gives us freedom to demonstrate.

It is the Soldier
who salutes the flag,
who serves beneath the flag,
and whose coffin is draped by the flag,
who allows the protester to burn the flag.

On the eve of this Veteran's Day, I would like to share my sincere gratitude and acknowledge those in my family who have served or are currently serving in our Armed Forces.  One day a year is not enough to show the respect you deserve and honor your service.

 

• For Mon Oncle Paul Demers, who served in the United States Army.  Thank you for sacrifice and service.  You are the finest example for the children of this family.

 

• For Mon Oncle Michel Demers, who served in the United States Air Force.  Thank you for your sacrifice and service.  You are one of the most honorable men I know.

 

• For Mon Oncle Daniel Demers who served in the United States Navy.  Thank you for your sacrifice and service.  (I will always remember our trip to the recruiter's office and getting Frisbees.)  You are honest and true.

• For Mon Oncle Richard Demers who serves with the United States Coast Guard.  Thank you for your sacrifice and service.  You are resilient and noble.

• For my cousin Duane Demers who served in the United States Navy.  Thank you for your sacrifice and service.  You are inspiring.

• For my favorite niece, Kristin Beasley who is currently serving in the United States Army.  Thank you for your sacrifice and service.  You are beautiful, strong and stubborn and I can't think of anyone better suited to fight for my freedoms.

When I see each of you at family functions, I think only of you as Uncle, Cousin, Niece.  Today, I remember that you are so much more than that.  When I see you next, you will get an extra hug from me.  A great big one. That one is for the Solider from the American who is grateful and proud to call you family.

To all soldiers, past, present and future:
Thank you

Caution! Full on Self Pity Party in Progress... Proceed at Your Own Risk.

 

I'm tired.  This grumbling, moaning, writhing in self pity post will reflect that, just so that you know.  I fully acknowledge that I am being a big whiny baby.  But it doesn't change that it is the way I feel today.

I have never slept well. I cycle through periods of crappy sleep working up to periods of nearly crippling (dramatic much?) insomnia.  Some nights I just want to lay in the dark and cry in frustration.  My husband leaves for work in the wee hours of the morning, so I have the whole bed in which to toss and turn and watch the clock, waiting to fall back to sleep.  Usually the witching hour for me is about 2 am.  Which, incidentally, is about when Jeff leaves for work.  I usually wait until he is pulling out of the driveway before I turn on the tv, so he doesn't know I am awake and call me crazy.  My programing of choice in those wee hours is TruTV, more specifically Forensics Files.  Except last Thursday morning, when it was Speeders.  That show is stupid.  

Occasionally, I wake up before Jeff, like I did last night.  I woke up at 12:36 am and laid staring until finally I could not take it anymore and I snuck out of bed and crept around to his nightstand to get the remote.  Then I laid still as a statue and turned on the tv, praying that it wouldn't wake him up.  He rolled over, but didn't wake up. Score!  I fell asleep sometime before he got up and then was awake after he left until almost 4.  The soundest sleep I get is when my alarm is going off.  Ergh.

I am tired of being tired.  I have tried Lunesta, meletonin, teas, Advil PM, Benadryl, and a series of other temporarily effective remedies.  I don't think anything is going to help me until someone finds the switch in my brain to turn it off.  That is what keeps me awake.  The barrage of thoughts that evolve into a stream of consciousness that has no end.  Its like that picture illusion of the staircases where you can't tell where what begins and where it ends.  One thought leads to another and then to another and it circles back around.  I know that I am not the only person that this happens to.  I can't feel sorry for them right now as I am much too busy feeling sorry for myself at the moment.

Lately it seems like every thought I have is punctuated with thoughts of my father.  And what he is going through.  And how it effects nearly every facet of life as I know it.  I often think of my brothers' wives, both of whom have lost their fathers.  And I feel selfish and terrible that I have never told either of them how sorry I am that they lost their Dads and really understood what it meant.  I feel selfish and terrible that my thoughts center around MY Dad, when if fact, he is not MY Dad.  He is my Mother's Husband, Bob Tony's Dad, Jeff, Kyra and Paula's Father in Law, our children's Grandfather (or D-dad), my Aunts and Uncles' Brother, my cousins' Uncle and countless others' Friend.  I am not so special or naive to think I am the only one effected by all of this.  

But I am the only one in my head at 2 am.  And its beginning to get on my nerves.

Things that Suck

In no particular order:

• wedgies
• falling asleep during the commercial break just before the thing you stayed up late to watch comes on
• constantly having to remind my nephew Andrew to call me AUNT Julie
• my dog's allergies
• that popcorn kernel shell that sticks to the roof of your mouth and make you gag
• doing dishes
• brain cancer
• when your normal parking spot is taken
• my chronic insomnia
• having to come up with dinner variety
• irritable bowel syndrome
• bras
• realizing there's no tp AFTER you pee
• junk mail
• breaking a nail below the nail bed
• the smell of the lake of poo at the farm down the street on a windy day
• the fact that it doesn't matter how much money you have its never enough
• aching backs
• when you get the qtip just a little too far into your ear and it makes you choke and cough
• dry feet
• having to repeat myself over and over and over and over and over and over then having Jeff say it once and "poof" its done
• grocery shopping
• push ups
• the fact that I could do this all day long...

Fathers

Obviously, I have been thinking a lot lately about my Dad.  My father is one of the greatest men I have ever met.  He is a great Dad.  Always there to lend a hand or help if we ever need anything.  Strong. Very strong. And funny! Always a smile and a joke. More profoundly to me of late, I am acutely aware that he is the other half of My Parents.  Always together, supporting each other when they support us.

Today, I went over to my parents to have breakfast.  I made pancakes for he, Mom, Maddie and myself.  It was really nice.  Then we went for a walk.  As we walked, I realized that we all slow our pace in order for Dad to keep up.  And talk about things of no consequence.  For my Dad.

My husband is a great father.  He is fiercely protective.  And stubborn.  And sometimes I feel like an outsider when he and Maddie gang up on me.  But that's a Dad and his Daughter for you.  I hope I never made my Mom feel that way.  If I did, I'm sorry.  I wish that Brittany wasn't missing out on her Dad.  Maybe she's okay with it.  But she will never be able to get back the time that she is losing.  And that devastates me.  And I miss her more than she could possibly ever know.

My brothers are pretty remarkable fathers, too.  I guess that they had a really great example.  I always knew Bob would be, though.  He was always the one that was "in charge".  He was pretty good at it, too.  But Tony surprised me.  And continues to do so.  Every time I see him with those beautiful babies.  It amazes me. 

Right now, I am listening to Jeff tuck Maddie in.  He always covers her up with the 7 blankets she keeps in her bed when she sleeps.  Then when she falls asleep she sweats like crazy and kicks the blankets off.  But he doesn't want her to be cold.  So he does it again before we go to bed.  And in the wee hours of the morning when he gets up to go to work he'll do it again. 

I guess great Fathers are always there to cover you up so you're never cold.

When I said I wanted to start blogging...

this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.  Most of you who know me well know by now that the last month or so has been pretty rough for my family.  On September 17, 2010 my father was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  In the weeks following he has undergone brain surgery to remove as much of the tumor as possible and begun chemotherapy and radiation treatments to shrink the cancer.

Perhaps I should have been more specific in my desire for blogging.  Soon after diagnosis, I began journaling through a website recommended by Georgetown University Medical Center called CaringBridge.org. The website has been a fantastic way for our family to relay information about my Dad's treatment and condition to everyone without having to make lots of phone calls or send emails.  I have found it helpful to me in a personal way, but at the same time difficult to keep my own emotional state at that particular time from influencing the tone of the posting. I have tried very hard to keep a positive note to all the posts on that site.

CaringBridge Website for Dad

Enough time has passed that I feel like I can begin blogging my own personal journey on this site.  I know that it will uncomfortable for some people to read my take on things, but my only suggestion for that is not to read it!  Contrary to the CaringBridge site, I plan on letting loose whatever emotion is prevailing at the time of post, so I would recommend caution when reading, it will probably be a very bumpy ride.

On another personal note, my heart is aching for the Bennett family, especially my very good friend, Dawn.  On Saturday, Mrs. Bennett passed away.  She was my neighbor growing up.  But I am especially heartbroken because Nana took care of Maddie (along with my Mom) when she was an infant and I went back to work.  She watched her several mornings a week until she went to preschool at age 3. Nana was there to kiss boo boos, encourage first words and steps, introduce new foods, and give lots of hugs and love to Maddie when I couldn't be there.  I will be forever grateful to her for that. I can't express in words what that meant to me. Those of you with children who find themselves going back to work know how valuable it is to know that they are well taken care of when you can't be there.  My deepest and most heartfelt condolences go out to their family.

Mrs. Helen Bennett "Nana"