Lost Lamb

I have been a lost lamb without a flock for a long time now.  I have not stepped into a church for the sole purpose of worship in a very, very long time.  A fact that I have thought about a lot recently.  More specifically, I have thought about with massive amounts if guilt lately.  It comes with the territory of a Catholic upbringing.  Worse yet, I have failed in my promise to raise Maddie in the way of the Catholic Church.  Yikes! One way ticket in that handbasket to Hell, please...

I have told myself that I am a spiritual person and that the Lord does not require regular attendance in church as a demonstration of faith.  I have spent many Sundays of my childhood and teenage years kneeling and standing and repeating and gesturing.  As an adult, I look back I feel like most of what I took away from those masses was a learned routine not religion.  I feel like it was more of a seen and be seen event than worship.

My mother took us to CCD followed by mass every Sunday, but my Dad only went on Easter and Christmas Eve.  Of the Seven Sacraments I have five under my belt, and hopefully it will be a long time before I hit six and seven.  Of the Seven, Maddie has only one.  The one where I promised to raise her in the Catholic faith.  Hmmm, failed that one.  Bad Catholic Mommy.

I find this heavy on my mind because in the very recent past, I have been the recipient of some nudging.  If a higher power has a subtle way of sending signs, I think I'm gettin' 'em. For example, I took Mac and her friend Hailey to a town youth group function couple weekends ago and I found myself standing next to a tall, friendly, older man.  We chit chatted while the kids threw food and he introduced himself as Pastor Bob.  Interesting... Pastor Bob of where?  Well, he has two churches, one down Road X, with an older congregation, and one down Road Y with a much younger congregation.  No, no one with children Maddie's age, and no children's service.  Hmmm, interesting.  Earlier that morning, I overheard Maddie in her room become frustrated with something and say "Jesus Christ!".  Oh boy, she heard it from me over that one.  I would rather have heard her spew the "F" word than that.  Then, tonight, I announced that I was thinking about going to church.  I got out my Bible to show Maddie and inside the front cover, I found Maddie's Baptism certificate.  Not an hour later, my brother Bob, who is Maddie's Godfather, posts a picture of he and Maddie that very day.  Of all the pictures, why that one, from 9 years ago.  Okay, okay, I GET IT already!

My motivation to find a church is to give the gift of faith to Maddie.  I have found it a intimidating task and have no idea where to even start.  How on earth do you cover all that ground?  I don't have answers to the questions that she will inevitably ask.  Once, approaching Easter, she asked my Mom what was so "good" about Good Friday.  I got an earful about that, but I just didn't even know where to start.

I find the 2 nearest Catholic Parishes to us unappealing.  They are just so large! It prompts flashbacks to the Sunday Fashion Shows of my youth.  But how do you choose what church is right?  I don't know, but I plan on figuring this out and having a flock to belong to again.